What Getting Shingles in My 30s Taught Me

Hi. My name is Sabina, and I am a mental health advocate, runner, psychology student, and podcaster about grief; and I got stress-induced shingles. I do not practice what I preach, as it turns out.

(Hi, Sabina)

But, me being me, I could only view this moment as a learning experience and had to own it. I do not aspire to be a cautionary tale, but I’ve been through many rough life experiences, and it seems like the least I can do is share it and allow others to decide what’s right for themselves.

So, with that in mind, as I own my responsibility and share with those that can help, here’s what getting shingles in my 30s taught me.

Photo by Oscar Keys on Unsplash

Wait, do you know what Shingles is?

I’m not talking about the roofing material, here. In brief, Shingles is the reactivation of the Chicken Pox (varicella-zoster virus). According to the Mayo Clinic, “after you’ve had chickenpox, the virus lies inactive in nerve tissue near your spinal cord and brain. Years later, the virus may reactivate as shingles.” It’s extremely painful and you can read more about all its gross-ness here.

My outbreak followed the dermatome on my face and head, so for nearly three days, I couldn’t open my left eye. As of today’s writing, the rash has fully formed and my pain is managed through the help of my doctor. There isn’t a timeline for when I’ll be better, but each day is better than the one before, here’s hoping it’ll pass soon.

Alright, here are the lessons…

Five Things Getting Shingles Taught Me

1. You can know what to do and why and still have to learn how to keep it at the forefront. I know the biology and chemistry behind stress. In fact, I did a semester-long research project about stress addiction in South Asian populations. I wrote about how and why it can create a domino effect of so.many.health.concerns that can even have permanent consequences. And yet, I failed to keep up with my wellness activities.
   Lesson: Be kind to yourself. We can know and still need reminders and still slip. And it’s still okay. Learning is continuous, and curiosity is the fuel. As I explore with determined interest what brought me to this juncture, I know that I am a mere human being who will forget and slip back into bad habits, but I’ll also only ever be slipping from at least a step forward. You’re never growing from the same place twice.
2. This moment taught me first-hand why working toward symptom management isn’t enough; the root cause must also be addressed. By this, I mean we as a society cannot tell someone to do a few wellness activities without improving the environment and circumstances that caused the need for a focus on wellness activities. Healthcare I’m looking at you.
   Lesson: Stress-induced illnesses and diseases need healing beyond symptoms. So, to ensure the elimination of the issue, the environment must be evaluated.
3. You are your own best friend, first. Always. Take yourself out to eat, laugh with yourself, and buy yourself that weekend getaway for a solo retreat. Or, just take that break, block your calendar, eat the cheese, and don’t skimp on the chocolate. Why? Because if you can’t find a wellspring within yourself to carry you through the moments when things are hard, you will become stuck. Reliance on external anything (support, validation, care, love, joy, happiness) is not sustainable because there is always a risk of an ending. When you have it within you, well, you’re always with you!
   Lesson: Find what fills your own cup, and do it for yourself, first. In a world where control is a fallacy, you have the option to control one thing: how you choose to put yourself first.
4. Nothing, absolutely nothing. Nope, not even that multi-million dollar deal, nor that item or that whatever is ever worth the expense of your health. I only hear my Nani, who somehow I’ve managed without for nearly three years, in my ears repeating what she’d always tell me, “health is the wealth.” She was right, and I miss her every day, and perhaps having her nudge me constantly to take care of my health wasn’t as annoying as I thought it was.
   Lesson: Anything you want or need or dream of is only possible to enjoy if you’re sticking around to enjoy. Without your health, you have nothing.
5. Your body holds onto that which you think you’ve forgotten and moved on from or ignored. Feelings are not amorphous entities or words on a kindergarten classroom wall. They’re chemicals moving through your nervous system (brain). Events, thoughts, laughter, conversation, any activity of being a human trigger different ones to release; sometimes, there are enough, and the feeling is consistent with the trigger. Sometimes there isn’t enough, and sometimes there is too much. These imbalances are what mental health professionals work on with the support of solid MDs. The point is, feelings don’t disappear because the conscious thought of them has. Your body remembers, so let yourself finish the feeling, let it move through you, let it release, or it will be done for you. Releasing can take the form of journaling it, talking it out, smashing tires with weighted rods, meditating, crying, walking, staring at the wall, whatever you do, revisit what you ignored and let it release.
   Lesson: Finish the feeling. Take what you ignored, stuffed down, compartmentalized and when you’re taking those moments to yourself away from the environment, revisit those feelings. Make a note, and come back to it. If you don’t, your body will remind you, and that’s a dangerous lesson.

Finally, here’s how I’m taking this lesson forward: Sabina, just eat the damn brownie. Does chocolate make you happy? Does it conjure positive memories? Does thinking about that first gooey bite from the corner of the pan make you feel warm and sunny? Good. Stay there. That feeling is finished. Now, remember that when you need a boost and pair that memory with some fruit because, well, balance!

Thanks for reading, take care of yourself and don’t forget to laugh. And uh, real quick, can someone get me a brownie (and an apple, I guess)?